Giving Up Power to Gurus

Something rather ironic occurred to me recently. After the Ideagasms fiasco, after seeing more and more guru's as fakes—like what "The Game" did with TylerDurden. I started to objectively think and observe how Guru's really are. I started to notice the some of the more successful Pick Up Guru's are guys with amazing flash game—they can do a 15-minute song and dance, or "wing" you very well, but they talk very little about true seduction.

In fact, I noticed about 90% of the dating community is about opening and being flashy, maybe 8% is on building comfort with a girl you just met and taking her on a first date. Then about 1% is on actual relationships and the other 1% is on real seduction and making women feel beautiful, wanted, and pleasured.

I went to my local lair's meeting the other day and realized how deep this goes. Lately I have been distancing myself from any flash-guru, or any sage advice and I noticed lots of guys in my lair really dig what gurus have to say. It's like they built their whole lives around it. It's not everyone and ironically, some of the guys who are most guru minded are getting some success. So it's a tough cookie here…

I am guilty of it too. There are things in my life that I got from the community that probably will never change, like the bad taste in my mouth when I pay for a girl's dinner. One time, I hooked up with a girl really fast, like within a couple hours, and afterwards I remember Mystery saying "getting laid fast is Fool's Mate, just like a bad chess player thinking they are good because they win in 3 moves." Man, what horrible advice by Guru Mystery…

Anyway, I started to realize from my life, from people I know in the dating community, that we give away way too much power to these Gurus. The ironic part is, they teach not to give away power to girls or anyone else, but what I notice almost without exception is guys who are deep into this shit look up to Guru's like they are gods. When they do get a success, it almost seems like that attribute it to their teacher and not themselves.

Another rather unfortunately aspect of the community is guys who aren't at Guru level, but could otherwise give good advice at things like breaking-the-ice, staying in a positive state, or basic social etiquette are pinned a Keyboard Jockey (KJ) if they chime in. I know, I fell into that and called people a KJ when they gave advice without proof & warranty. In fact, I have been called a KJ by some because I love to write but am not a guru. It's ironic that I will blog about most of my lays but I take them down for privacy. So, unless you have status in the community, giving advice is shunned on.

That creates a perfect breeding ground for Gurus. If you can gain status (usually all you need is consistent flash game and only a few lays), you can be a guru. Just look around.

I don't doubt there are excellent guys out there. But we really created a system where community guys of high status are almost worshipped and guys just give their power away to them. Thinking back to ideagasms, there were guys who would take their girlfriends to see Stephane, and soon you'd hear stories about how the girl soon left that guy. In fact, that is exactly how Stephane got Amy Jo and Greta. He took them from old students. My guess is Amy and Greta saw how their boyfriends gave their power away to Guru Steph and the girls lost their attraction.

So, I consider myself out of the guru-community. I love women and will date them for many more years and use lots of guru ideas, but I feel I am done taking sage advice. I only take advice from my close friends when I ask or if I am specifically looking up some information. More on this later.

As an aside, after 4 years of this stuff, my style of picking up women mostly revolves around finding a girl who already is attracted to me naturally, breaking the ice with her (unless she approaches me), try to befriends her group if they are there, and keep strong eye contact with intense focus on her, touch her when appropriate, and steal a kiss the second I can. From there, if I can isolate her, I'll try to get intimate and let nature take it from there.

This breaks lots of community rules and means I am not very consistent—but my interactions are fucking awesome. Although I did adopt a lot of these ideas from the community, I had to sift through a lot. But from the get-go, I am not just approaching every girl in every moment; I wait till I sense natural signals from women. As long as I am listening, I tend to notice.

So, a guru may come around and say you can stay fat, poor, and just learn these simple steps and you will be great. And since the guru is already pretty darn good at socializing, making friends, and being flashy, they'll easily win you over. Of course, guru's can help you, for sure. Don't get me wrong, my main point here is Use The Community; Don't Be Used By It.

I realize this blog sounds challenging. I realize it may insult lots of people. But I ask you, try to think about your guru of choice, think about your day-to-day life and how reasonably you could fit their cookie-cutter ideas into your life?

So how do you find what works for you? Well, I think the best step you can take is to find friends with similar goals. This may take a little time and I do suggest meeting women as you do it, but try to find guys who are already good with women and be their friend. Open up to them, and if they choose to be your friend too, perfect. The guy doesn't have to be a master pick up artist. He can be some ex-frat guy who dated a dozen women in school or it could be an ex-football player who got laid a lot in school. Anything like that. This is one of my main goals now, second to actually meeting women.

As you guys get to know each other, he'll be able to give you some solid advice about what could work for you. If what they say sounds true to you, sweet. But if the advice sounds overly harsh or overly simple, then keep looking for friends who are good with women, trust me they are out there. Finding great friends should be a continuous process for you. You can only gain.

A friend and mentor can help give you more tailored advice to your life. This is how it worked with me and SDH. My dating life is awesome now and the people I get to know in real life understand me better.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to get these ideas across to my community friends. One guy called me out on being a KJ for saying this stuff. That kinda pissed me off considering I met my current girl while I was with him.

But I know what I am saying is pretty radical for the community and so I choose to separate myself a little from the guruy-sagey aspects of it.

In my experiences, only people who actually spend the time to get to know you, actually care about you personally, actually want you to succeed… they are the ones who are qualified to give you advice and it doesn't matter if they are a guru or not. Think back to your old childhood friends who gave you advice in various things like sports, video games, or school work. Why is advice different when it comes to topics of women and dating? Before the community, most guys keep very quiet about dating and feel it's un-cool to even ask for advice, now we enter the community and look up to Sage Gurus, but now we think back to our old good friends who know us real well and maybe think "Hey, let me ask my close friends for advice. They knows me, may know what could work for me, maybe they have some decent ideas."

So, don't give your power away to anyone except those you carefully choose, if even that. Personally, I choose to give my power away to my career and yeah, if my career were to just tumble and plummet, I'd feel horrible. But at least I have some control over it.

Lastly, really try to notice if you are giving your power away to gurus. Do you take their advice almost without question? Do you get mad if someone contradicts them and want to argue? Do you refuse help from anyone else but the Guru?

I should write a follow up post on Quality Control and how to filter advice. I don't intend to mean "take advice from anyone, even a 13 year old," what I mean is learn to construct advice-filters in your mind so you can hear stuff from anyone, even a Guru or someone young, and pick-and-choose what sounds true to you.

Doesn't what I am saying feel right? The idea of tailored advice for you personally? Me establishing that relationship with SDH has changed my life. Things are progressing in the most healthy way in years. If you have questions, feel free to comment.

UPDATE

After some great comment questions, I wanted to add this footer to clarify some points (its from the comments below):

Well, first off I probably should have proof read that blog post a few more times before unleashing it. I didn't mean to convey that you get your actual dating advice from AFC's...

What I meant was creating a filter for yourself to take out the junk in the advice you hear and focus on the meat.

So, say a guru is trying to tell you to live a Circle LifeStyle (2+ girlfriends), and he tells you about all the amazing sex, about all the spiritual development, about all the admiration you will get. But at the end of the day, no one really pulls it off and people end up messing their current relationship. It seems like more trouble than its worth.

On the contrary, say an AFC friend gives you terrible advice like "buy all women drinks and ask them for a date".

We got to be able to filter both out, no matter whom it comes form. More often that advice is from a Guru since their voice is easier heard. But don't just discount your regular friends advice because they are AFC's. Even if 80% of what they say is trash, there could be little gems in there very tailored to you because they know you very well already, more than any guru. You got to find those gems while on your life path, trust me.

In the end, what I am saying is not getting sucked into some Guru's (or anyone's) reality. Take the advice form the Guru that you think will work for you, try it out, and drop the rest.

Thanks for asking these questions guys, this post was pretty hard to write and I wasn't sure if my point really got accross right. I may tack this on to the end of that blog post.

SDH goes into a lot more depth in his follow up post here. I definitely think that should be read too.