Just Go For It

In a post made almost 8 months ago titled "Just Speak My Truth" I met a girl in the gym and we had a fairly instant connection. While talking to her, I just spoke my truth, even though I felt the mental barriers, and usual nervousness. The truth I told her was really my standards in life, my preferences: respect, honesty. But the way I said it was very direct and that was the main thing.

Over the next couple months we would semi-date off and on. It would really be us hanging out at each other's pads with our sexual chemistry lingering in the air. With her, however, I felt a massive mental barrier. To some extent, I do feel this with all girls---I think of it as natural sexual tension. But with her it was rather massive.

So in the end I convinced myself that she was a prude. Couple this with the fact she is (or was) very religious, still a virgin at that time and not very touchy-feely. I lost motivation and pretty much moved on.

Next. A very cute girl in my engineering classes and I became friends and began studying together. There was definitely sexual chemistry between us and we would help each other through homework and such. However, with her as well I felt that same prudish, nervous vibe. My mental barriers were higher than normal with her as well.

We parted ways at the end of the school year, she a city south of me for an internship and I said good bye.

Next. At a bar the other night I got into a very nice interaction with a lady new to the area. She too seemed rather nervous, maybe a bit prude or at least the ball busting type. We were interacting for maybe 20-30 minutes when, as I took her outside to talk a bit more, she got distracted by some friends. I didn't feel very motivated to run after her or game her any more so I let her be. I knew she liked me, after all she was with me this far, and I think she wanted me to pursue her a bit. But I felt she wasn't strong enough to overcome her anti-slut-defense.

Now, the reality of all those situations: Don't get me wrong, it’s not like every single interaction with women is marked by timidness and mental barriers. The three here are the latest. Okay, the reality is ALL of that shit was just in my head. 100%.

The first girl I mentioned, after we stopped interacting as much, she ended up dating someone else for six months. After that ended, me and her hung out again and she told me some of the things she was up to. Turns out, she admitted some very slutty things with that guy including hooking up in the back of a church. My jaw fucking dropped.

On top of that, when we were hanging out 8 months back, she called me a "horn dog" when I touched her. I literally could not be closer than 5 feet from her or she'd shrivel like a rape victim or something. Well, when I was hanging out with her the other night and I mentioned what that "horn dog" line was about, she said she didn't remember saying that but that she was the real horn dog. She was the one thinking about freaky stuff and she admitted she was projecting onto me.

What a fucking trip.

The second girl, I thought she was too nervous to do anything sexual. Just platonic, even though there was a lot of chemistry in the air. I noticed this platonic vide with everyone I saw her hanging out with too. Turns out, after we parted ways she found a boy toy and was hooking up with him all summer.

So in both cases, I know, some guy just broke on through to the other side. They felt the sexual vibe and either obliviously or tactfully started a sexual relationship with them. I know it could have been with me instead; they were hanging out with me a lot, they did call me, and when we would look into our eyes, there was a spark. Sexual tension for sure.

The last girl, the one from the bar, turns out after I gave up on her, another guy I know began talking to her randomly, got her number, and afterwards when we were all hanging out again, she was texting him over and over with a lot of sexual innuendo in the messages. He didn’t know the back story of it, so it was quite surprise.

This all reminds me of an important lesson from Dr. Paul. "Do courage" go for it. I could have been the one hooking up with the first girl for 6 months, making out in the back of the church. I could have been the guy hooking up with the engineering hottie all summer. I could have been the one getting those texts.

Now I know this sounds selfish, "I... I.. I.." but at the end of the day, I gave up on those girls because I couldn't stand the heat. The sexual tension was either too high, or I just let the social pressure get to me. I am happy they found a guy who took them and showed them a good time. But at the same time, I let the girls down by allowing them/social conditioning to control the ship.

I have taken a new turn lately into studying outer game and tactics such as Dave Riker and Dr. Paul from SS and MindOS respectively. I feel I slipped into the "inner game is all there is" mindset for awhile now and realized that is not quite true for me. True, if I had perfect inner game I would have gone for what I wanted, I would have great success. However, if I did not know the English language, how would I begin communicating? Furthermore, if I am not efficient, or effective at using language, how can I really express myself in a clear manner?

It’s as my good friend Tim (eCommerce guru) said---studying only inner game is for guys who already have good outer game. Studying only outer game is for those who already have good inner game. As for me, I started out with neither good and these last four years have been a fucking trip!

So I am venturing back into studying communication skills, studying NLP, studying more concrete, point-by-point inner game methods. More on it all later. For now, I am listening to Dave Riker’s Language Course and peaking back into Dr. Paul’s work. In fact, I really started my inner game journey from Dr. Paul and it lead me on a spiritual path; though I am still on that path now I want to look back into more structured, step-by-step approaches to inner and outer game.