Spiritual vs Structured Inner Game

For the last four years, starting with David DeAngelo, I have been studying personal development. About half that time it was structured, Western style. The other half it was very focused on more spiritual or Eastern styles. Here, I'd like to express my thoughts on each one, how they are similar (and in some ways the exact same) and what works best for me personally.

Coming from the idea that all people tend to be more right or left brained, I find there are two main approaches to handling our inner issues: a spiritual or almost metaphorical approach and then a structured, science based approach. Think of it as two sides of the same coin.

Ironically, even though both Easter and Western thought is about personal development, I do notice both sides sometimes bash on each other, but that is another story for another day.

Eastern approaches to personal development usually involve mediation, mantras, affirmations, yoga. Western tends to fall in lines with following steps by step instructions on how to deal with each problem and also NLP.

Now, there are many overlaps. Affirmations and mediation is used in Western schools of thought and NLP is also used in eastern schools of thought. They are mixed and in the end, I came to the conclusion that the differences between Eastern and Western are just semantics. They are in parallel and means to the same end. How they go about it is very different though.

Let's start with developing personal boundaries:

Based off of Dr. Paul's work (which is a unifying approach to Western psychology), boundaries are like how thick our skin is. How irritable we can become or how much pressure we can handle. In this way, to develop thicker skin, we must learn to say "No" to people or situations which break through our boundaries. On the contrary, Eastern ideas from Authentic Man Program (AMP) and Ideagasms say we must surrender to the things penetrating our boundaries. More specifically, AMP says "you must be okay, or be a ‘Yes,' with that which causes you trouble" and ideagasms would say "surrender your pain to God and allow it to be."

Those seem very different. Western ideas say that when something has penetrated our personal boundaries that is when we must "do courage" and say "no" to the situation and resolve it. The spiritual approaches seem to say "just accept it; surrender to it." The end goal of both approaches is to develop thicker skin (even though the spiritual folks would phrase it as "attain enlightenment") ----An aside: If spiritual enlightenment doesn't imply having a solid, thick skin with an undying love and acceptance for the world, I don't know what it is.

From this, I really came to the conclusion that Western approaches like Dr. Paul's and Eastern approaches like AMP or Ideagasms are actually the same. Why? Because in Dr. Paul's model, saying "no" does not imply rejecting or resisting reality (which is what AMP/Ideagasms is getting at). Dr. Paul's model implies accepting the situation at hand, yet you will choose not to partake in it. If you read close into AMP and Ideagasms, they do say the same thing: Surrender and don't resist the situation, but in the end choose not to partake in it. So when Dr. Paul says "Say No" and AMP say "Be a Yes" they are using the same words for completely different approaches. Semantics.

So, which idea sits better with you in dealing with stress? Now imagine you are in a stressful situation, like losing your job or getting dumped by your lover. Do you feel Dr. Paul's approach of actively taking steps to deal with your stress—i.e., being a "No" to stress and taking direct action in turning the stressful situation into a win-win? Or do you prefer the more Eastern idea of accepting, surrendering and then choosing to move away form the cause of pain? Honestly, I feel both are very powerful depending on how your individual brain functions. I wish not to imply either is a better model in personal development.

To me, I realized I like Dr. Paul's approach in specifically dealing with stress. It's not that the Eastern style is bad or wrong, I just need to do something active in stressful situations. I found that in my Eastern style, I would tend to get passive and quiet in times of stress. I would focus inward, and try to release the stress but at the end of the day, I would be passive and unproductive. On the other hand, when I am more active, when I actively focus maturely on the situation at hand, I feel much more productive, alive, and in control.

This is probably because I am more naturally left brained than right brained. Even though I used to wish I were more right brained, I embrace my logical side.

A second example:

Dr. Paul's system states the solution to Anger related stress is to be assertive in a win-win way; for Anxiety related stress, the solution is to "Do Courage" in a win-win way. For example, in a stressful situation, say approaching a hot woman the Win-Win scenario is to actually approach her genuinely and try to start a fun conversation. Even if she is jaded or rejects you, at the end of the day, you gave her positive value by being friendly and at the same time, you have built up your character and your skin in learning from this new situation. Alternatively, you could just complain to your buddy how it's so hard to approach, and that is Win-Lose. You temporarily win by releasing your stress on your friends; your friends lose by absorbing your issues—also the girl loses since you never even tried.

An Anger related example is if your girl friend is yelling at you for a pointless reason and you feel the negativity seep into you, that is your clue to be assertive, tell her she is crossing the line and must calm down. This is win-win because you are communicating clear; this is important for her and it relieves your stress. Alternatively, you could become aggressive and become abusive either verbally or physically. This is win-lose because you relieve your stress (temporarily) and she gets hurt even more.

The way Eastern ideas approach the above anger situation, or at least how AMP stated it, is to be Okay with her behavior, stand there, take it until her emotions subside. The idea here is to have such a strong skin, such a strong personal boundary that her yelling towards you can never break that boundary. And, for approach anxiety, the AMP method of dealing with it is to be very present to your emotions, let them wash through you, and still approach the girl even though the feelings may be going on inside you.

I think AMP's more Eastern suggestion is definitely ideal. That would not only be very sexy and powerful to a woman that her issues don't hurt you or that approach anxiety—although you feel it—doesn't stop you from doing what you want. This would be very affirmative to you as a man. However, at the end of the day, if your girl friend does get under your skin, if her negativity does cause you lots of stress and trauma, you have to be assertive and tell her its time to calm down and stop. If you are passive in times of stress, it will fucking destroy you (I know from experience…)

…Of course, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger…

So again, the AMP method is to develop such a strong, mature personal boundary, such present, thick skin that this stress (generally) does not affect you—you are "okay" and a "yes" to anything the world throws at you.

But before your boundary thickens, I felt a bit at a loss in how to deal with real stress, real negativity flowing through my body… Just "accepting it" did feel rather hallow sometimes, as if there is still something more to be done here.

In the end, Western ideas are about how to deal with emotional trouble that has already gotten into you and Eastern ideas are about thickening your skin and developing a stronger personal boundary.

Western approaches do have the stigma of being the pill-popping approach to internal struggles. Using pills to help heal troubled people is supposed to be used for true chemical imbalances which cause definite sleeplessness, extreme sensitivity physical and emotional pain, and an inability to function well enough to do your daily tasks.

Dr. Paul and other reputable Western scientists unanimously and consistently say that pills do nothing to solve your specific stressors nor does it build you a thick skin. It simply slows down or speeds up serotonin, dopamine, or whatever neurotransmitter.

Another lesser known, but vital part of Western psychology and personal development is NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming. This is a topic of psychology which I just recently began digging into with programs like Dave Ricker's Language & Conversation Course—NLP can be used on your own psychology, but also helps one communicate very effectively. Even Stephane from Ideagasms used NLP ideas in some of his programs like Moving Beyond Approach Anxiety (which is part of his Intro Course). He also has NLP techniques in his Girl Friend Training Program where one basically imagines their problems and emotions in multiple contexts, such as associating colors like red or green to your emotions. Then, by marking your emotions by that certain color, it becomes easier to deal and move it out of your emotional system.

So NLP is very intimately involved with Western and Eastern approaches to personal development. A Western example of NLP work can be found in Hypnotica's work (a.k.a Rasputin from "The Game" who mentored Style in his personal development). Such courses include "Reinventing Yourself" and "Sphinx of Imagination" where he uses almost every NLP related technique in the book to integrate sound, masculine principals into your mind.

It took me four years to realize this, but the ultimate answer I have found is I need to use Eastern ideas to help thicken my personal boundary and Western ideas to give me strategies and actions to deal with stresses in my life.

Before Eastern, I looked to Western ideas for all my needs and I found that even though I could deal with individual problems, I'd be stressed out every day by whatever. Then, as I studied just Eastern ideas, my boundaries became thicker and stronger and not as many issues would get through to me, but when stress did get in, I would become passive and just silently deal with it. Passive aggressive ring a bell? So that was no good either.

I looked to Eastern ideas to help with specific stress, but got almost no where.

I don't imagine my realization will be the same as everyone's. People who already have a thick skin may find all the answers they need in Western philosophy. Examples of this would probably be anyone who is already confident like business men and maybe cops or soldiers. On the flip side, people who are good at dealing with stress may find their answers in Eastern philosophy. I imagine sport players or people who release stress through exercise consistently may fall into this category.

As for me, I think my boundaries were always a bit less structured, especially earlier in my life. Now, I feel my boundaries are fairly strong (not perfect of course—a perfect boundary is definitely spiritual enlightenment—can you imagine an enlightened guru honking his horn in traffic and screaming?).

Moreover, before this personal development, my ability in dealing with stress, especially high stress, was never too great either. So I feel learning Dr. Paul's strategies will help me a ton.

Lastly I am excited to learn NLP more. Not only would it offer a great way to effectively work my mind, but it also teaches amazing communication skills for business, family, and of course seduction and enhancing communication between you and your lover. I am checking out Hypnotica's program Deep Phone Seduction right now which is all about using NLP on the phone to bring women to orgasm. My friend SDH got that product and recommended as a very powerful example of using NLP in a seduction context.

So in conclusion

I plan to use Eastern personal development as a way to thicken my skin; programs like AMP and Ideagasms can be great for that. But when I am in a high stress situation, I plan to use Dr. Paul's strategies in dealing with that stress. Then, when it comes to communicating effectively, I plan to study NLP.

I feel pretty whole now that I have this new road map laid out. This road map used to be a lot vaguer. It was pretty much "Study: BradP or Mystery or Ideagasms only. This will solve every issue in your life" but in truth it is a structured combination of all the above. I would categorize BradP as teaching effective communication especially in regards to flirting (and he is fucking amazing at it too). I would use Mystery's stuff as a general guideline to how to treat a woman while in courtship. However, NLP is highly specific, highly step by step (especially the Dave Riker program) and that is what I look for as a left-brain'd dude.

To expand on that, I know Mystery and even RockStar Casanova and Captivate2Connect have programs which seem very step-by-step, I actually consider that to be guidelines and general timeline. For example, Mystery talks about opening first, then building attraction next, then qualifying next. And, while Mystery does provide canned routines for each scenario, that feels like a guideline and not a real human interaction. Its robotic as Style even admitted in his book. However, NLP and these language programs are like studying English on much deeper levels. Think of it as a graduate or Ph.D. course in English Grammar and how to use verbs, adjectives, adverbs, prepositions most effectively in human interaction. NLP will integrate into your life as you practice more and more on anybody—not just club hoes :)