The Drum Beat of Our Life

I am re-reading "Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. I must say, I missed so much of this the first time around. Now, after being immersed in multiple flavors of spirituality, from "Conversations with God", "Autobiography of a Yogi", to even "The Fountainhead" I came back to Power of Now with greater focus.

Tolle talks about our true Self, our true presence after we have quieted away all external and internal stimuli. That is, completely relaxing and turning our focus off. Just being.


What I noticed after being in this silent state is this constant background noise in my gut. It's like this feeling of emptiness. As I continue to relax, I try to go into this empty feeling more and as I do, I start to feel slightly nauseated. Not like a actual disease or infection, but nauseated like I am rejected something.

Then it gets very hard to stay present. In fact, it becomes emotionally painful. I will do almost anything to avoid the presence from insistently shaking my leg to getting a snack to watch youtube or anything. Well, some things I don't do: I don't sarge or try to pick up women, meet new people, try new things when I am in that mode. I only feel this after fully and completely relaxing all parts of my life. I don't feel this any time else. Or, it's an ulcer! But it's more of an emotional feeling than a physical one. (I may schedule a doctor's appointment while I still have insurance, just in case.)

I feel much of my inner game has been to mask this inner background noise. But even when it's masked, I can sense it still affecting every decision I have in life. It's like the drum beat of my life.

Now it's not too bad. I do have a pretty good life, great family, amazing friends, a rad new business partner, and the rest of my life ahead of me. However, in the far background I do feel this uneasiness to life. It causes hesitation.

There are some great drummers out there, there are some shitty drummers out there. In the end of the day, the drummer sets the backbone of any music band. Sometimes the drums are not noticeable, but the musicians always hear it. So, I like to think of this background noise as the quiet drummer of our life.

We can live a life with a shitty drummer and then mask the beat with food, items, and excuses. However, when we decide to let go of the masks and listen to the drums of our life, we will face our true inner Self. The Self that has been with us since birth. The Self that is only happy when we are living on our true life path.

I have had moments in my life when this drum-beat was fucking amazing. I felt invigorated. Those true moments were few but they were the most amazing in my life. It includes moments in sports during High School, falling in love for the first time, getting high regards in my first creative writing class. In these moments, I felt the drum of my life turn amazing.

Tolle does say those fleeting moments are just that. Fleeting. Though it is still part of that mask but it is a real glimpse into bliss. Tolle does talk about reaching a life where the background drums are beautiful and simply being present to this will provide endless joy in our life.

I completely believe it, however I am not sure how to get there. I feel the way to get there is by living on your true path. This involves finding that path :-)… not the easiest thing, but definitely a required task for all humans.

It isn't too hard to mask the drum beat when it is negative. Things like external validation do that. In fact, external validation may be one of those glimpses into bliss. When the hottest girl in the room pursues you. Or when you make a shit load of money. Or when you get upgrades to your car. However, we all know that external shit doesn't last. The "life-upgrades" become normal. We just adapt to them.

Imagine getting all that validation just by listening to the drum beat of our life.

The catch-22 is that—I believe—we have to be living on our true life path to feel the internal validation. Otherwise, the drum beat may go sour. It's like a passionate fisherman working in the dessert. Or like trying to fit a circle into a square. It will never fully fit.

So this post is mostly me thinking out loud. I hope it wakes others up a bit. In the end, even if we don't know it, living a life in a negative drum beat will always keep us from finding lasting joy. It will keep us in perpetual waiting. Or I have an ulcer. Actually I hope this is just an ulcer, that way I can pop-the-pill and be done with it :-)

We got to find our true path, our most aligned passion.