A Switch Just Turned

This is just off the top of my head.

So right now, I’m currently doing this 1 of the Day challenge I previously described, but I’m doing it for real this time. I mean I wrote it down, in my lair, and I update it once everyday describing that approach or interaction to keep me on track.

Anyway, I find this girl who I’m just so madly attracted to, I have no clue what it is, she’s in one of my classes. We need to get group partners, of course I make sure she’s mine.

On my way home, I began to think and worry, how should I go about this? I should take it slow right? I mean what if I fuck up I have to spend the entire semester with her? What if we get into a relationship and things go wrong, it’ll be awkward all semester? I think she said something about boyfriends. OMG what if she has one?

Then out of nowhere I stopped myself. Why the hell was I thinking this way? I realized that by thinking all these things, I was just pre-supposing that I was going to fuck up, I was assuming that I was going to make things awkward, I was assuming that I would somehow be thwarting her in some way. Like me embracing my desires is something to be ashamed of.

This is freakin’ crazy. Why am I thinking this way? I had to reframe it. I realized the key word in the paragraph above was I, I, I , I, it was all I….it was all me. All these negative thoughts are just me. She’s not doing anything but being cute, there is no awkwardness, there will be no awkwardness. How the fuck am I supposed to to break out of anything, if I'm not constantly trying to fix the faltered parts of my reality?

I just realized that by thinking negatively about that I was assuming I would mess up and questioning my own game, which equals no confidence. And then I thought once more, if running the dance floor at a club, and making out with girls in under ten minutes is doable nearly every weekend, why the fuck is this so out reach? Its not, I’m going for it.

I’M GOING FOR THE GOLD

- Q