AMP Coaching Sesson Breakthrough

Yesterday will go down as the first day of my profound transformation, of real change for the better in my life. I had my free AMP coaching session yesterday, which I almost cancelled because I didn’t think it would have that much value. (Incidentally, I almost blew off the interview for the job I’m in now for the same reason.)

Almost right off the bat, she had me figured out – which was a little freaky, but also not that difficult to see. She said she felt an overwhelming sense of inner discontent. Man, just looking at my diaries I’ve been swimming in discontent. I realize this has been my motivation, that “something’s wrong and I need to fix it.”

It’s small, away-from motivation. It’s energy, but it’s negative energy. It’s draining and, in the end, not that motivating. You see, away-from motivation will get you from “extreme discomfort” to “mild discomfort,” and then the challenges of the self-improvement process become more uncomfortable than the problem, so there’s no motivation to continue. At best, with perseverance, one can use “away-from” motivation to get all the way to “no discomfort, and then you’re done and it’s time to look for another “problem” to “solve.”

As I thought about this, I had this profound shift, this deep realization that manifested itself in the physical (I actually felt my body “move” inside) as I was talking on the phone. I realized in this moment that, if I continued to think with the mindset I was using, there was NO WAY I could every succeed – all I could do was move away from perceived shortcomings.

Now, there is a place for dealing with things you don’t want – disempowering beliefs and habits, for example. Hypnotica calls this “pulling weeds.” But the real value in any self-improvement is in “planting the seeds,” in creating the new habits and beliefs that will lead to success. But if the mind is primarily looking around for problems to fix, those seeds will never grow to their potential.

She said there was a lot of work around my “being a yes.” And she’s right! Anybody looking at my writings would see they’re dripping with negativity. Yes, there’s an optimistic “I’ll get myself out of this,” but the underlying message is “this sucks, I’m going to fix it. Then I’ll allow myself to be happy.”

So one of the things I’m doing now is working on separating the time between stimulus and response. I’m starting by writing down whatever thought comes in. I see something, thought pops in, write it down. Then, as I start getting used to masking these thoughts, I can learn to take a couple breaths between stimulus and response, and put some choice around my thoughts and emotional responses.

One example, I drive home from work every day and pass a Harley dealership. This used to trigger an automatic negative response – a thought about an ex of my wife who loved Harleys, followed by the thought “oh crap, I shouldn’t be thinking this. Something’s wrong with me, I need to fix this.” Yesterday I looked at the dealership, took a couple breaths and thought "how can this image fit into MY life and make me happy?" – a reframe, but not the OPPOSITE, just a replacement of a “no” with a “yes” that I really believe. In this case, it was “I’d like to learn to ride a motorcycle someday,” which was a wish of mine way before I ever met my wife. I let the thought of her ex, and the negative energy from that, knock me off-course.

Just that one little change in thinking freed up a ton of energy and turned my thinking to a “yes.”
I’m working on getting away from this need to be perfect, to be right, and fully embrace who I am right now. And as I embrace myself more fully, I’m working on bringing that man out fully, getting out from behind those walls and that habit of being stiff and withdrawn in the beginning.

“Little SPG” (her expression, not mine)is in control of the situation too much. Staying small, safe, negative thinking, needing to be perfect, needing to be right, immature thoughts and behaviors. The key is to move more toward “Big SPG” thinking (leaving out the double entendres) which is self love, self acceptance, being on my path, being a yes to whatever there is to enjoy, being a yes to myself and finding safety within myself.

And I can fully see that, if “Big SPG” is in charge, these self-improvement lessons that now seem like pushing a rock uphill will actually build their own momentum. I could feel the difference between being happy now and moving toward a richer and more fulfilling life (working with the flow) and being discontent now and struggling to escape from that feeling (working against the flow). And for that reason, I see September 10, 2008 as the day I “got it” and too my first real steps down my natural path of happiness and alignment.