Relationships - They're Not What They're Cracked Up to Be

I’m here to tell you that the romantic notion behind marriage and relationships is society-imposed BS. Relationships and marriages are not what they’re cracked up to be. Most people – men especially – marry for all the wrong reasons, and most men would be far happier being single. Far, far happier.

I keep hearing this line from guys, “I just want to find that one special girl.” It seems like guys all want to find that one girl that they can settle down with and have that romantic relationship that goes on happily ever after. And it’s not just guys who don’t’ get a lot of dates, guys with a lot of options are saying this. Heck, I was one of those guys – dating three or four women, enjoying a fulfilling sex life and all my freedom, and thinking “it’s time to settle down with a good woman.”

I’ve been on both sides of the relationship fence, from carefree juggling to LTRs, to two marriages. (I’m a slow learner.) I’m not speaking from bitterness, but from a clear-eyed perspective that no men ever read about. If you’re thinking about crossing into “relationship territory,” learn a little about the real terrain first.

I’m not down on relationships, far from it. With the right woman, a relationship has a lot of wonderful benefits. I’m not down on marriage, either. But the real “benefits” of a relationship and marriage are far, far different than what most men want in their lives for happiness and fulfillment. So most men end up disappointed, disillusioned, bitter or worse.

Don’t believe me, check out this site: http://nomarriage.com/ Now, I disagree with their premise that marriage is this evil thing designed by women to destroy men, but read through it and observe the negativity, the bitterness, the anger. These are men who have lost a part of themselves because they believed in an illusion and became bitterly disappointed with the reality.

Most men marry or get into long-term relationships for romantic reasons – she’s so wonderful, we’re so in love, there’s so much passion, the sex is so great, I just want this to last forever. Well, guess what? Those feelings will not last forever, not with any one person at any rate, no matter how awesome you think she is. Over time, attraction wanes. This is just the reality of the universe. Accept it. You can regenerate it in a relationship, but it takes a lot of effort and you’ll never be able to recreate those white-hot feelings. So marrying for love, romance, passion or (if you’re really stupid) sex is dooming yourself to certain – let me repeat, CERTAIN – disappointment. If you need those things, you cannot and will not get them from a marriage or very long-term relationship.

Now, you CAN get love, passion and romance from a long-term relationship lasting two years or less, but be prepared for the reality that there will be an end date and you will have to go back “into the field.” Anything longer than two years and you start getting that “thrill is gone” sensation. Learn to end ALL INTERACTIONS on a high note, even (I should say ESPECIALLY) if it seems counterintuitive. Build your relationship to a high point, savor it for a few months, then exit gracefully, rinse and repeat.

Relationships also offer a short-term opportunity for sexual exploration and fulfillment, because the level of trust and intimacy is high. If that’s what you’re looking for, your optimal time frame is one year. After that, the everyday BS of life starts creeping in, she starts wanting to watch her fucking TV shows again, and sex starts moving down the priority scale. But you don’t have to accept that crap in your life. If sexual fulfillment is high on your needs list, don’t date anyone for more than one year.

If sex is high on your priorities list, I also highly suggest you keep your relationships open (be honest about this, of course). Have a “main squeeze” that you keep around for several months and date other women, so your needs for sexual exploration and variety are both being met.
So what are the payoffs for marriage or a long-term relationship? There are really only three benefits to being married or in a LTR longer than two years – friendship, companionship and raising children. That’s it. You might get little tastes of other things sprinkled in from time to time, but those three things will be your bread-and-butter for the rest of your life.

Now, I think friendship and companionship are great, but they’re nowhere close to my top needs. Raising children is a joy, but for most guys that isn’t their #1 need when they get married. If you’re ready to have children, and those benefits sound good to you (and this is assuming you pick a GOOD woman to marry), then marriage or LTR is for you.

Most guys, however, would rank sex, freedom, adventure and fun ahead of the three things you get from a marriage or LTR, and yet they dive in willingly. And this is because society is lying to people about what marriage and relationships are all about. Things like Valentines Day, chick flicks, most of the crap on TV, they all paint this idea that falling in love and being together is the ideal, the “happy ending.” In real life, that just isn’t true. This is a fairy tale that simply doesn’t exist in reality. Don’t believe me, find some people who have been married 30, 40 or 50 years, and they’ll tell you what I’m saying is the truth.

Society doesn’t want you to be sexually fulfilled. Society says that’s bad. Do you think it’s bad to be sexually fulfilled? Do you think being sexually frustrated and disappointed is an ideal state? Then why jump into something that guarantees you WON’T be fulfilled?

Society has no use for your freedom to live your life as you choose. Most people are pathetic losers – it’s true. They have no future, so they willingly put themselves in these boxes of misery and convince themselves they’re happy. To them, the idea that a person can create a happy life for himself is either too scary or too foreign for their small minds to grasp, so they attack people who take initiative. So why buy into a concept created by a bunch of pathetic losers to insulate themselves from having to take responsibility for their own outcome?

The losers of the world want you to be married because they’re married. And they want you to suffer in your marriage because they suffer in their marriage. And they want you to have a lame sex life because they have a lame sex life. Does two nights a week sound good to you, or does it sound like hell? Well, the pathetic loser MAJORITY is out there convincing themselves that two nights a week is “happiness.” They’re eating bullshit and calling it ice cream.

I’m not saying marriage sucks. I think for most people it does, at least at the point in their lives when they decide to marry, but marriage itself is a great institution so long as you know up front what you want. If you’re going through the effort to make yourself a better man, why are you making it your goal to end up living the same life as all the other losers who did nothing to improve their lot in life? Do you think it’s somehow going to be different for you?

The only way you’re life is going to be different than it is for the miserable masses is if you DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT than the miserable masses. If you want hot sex, great! Make the changes in your life to bring sexually satisfying women into your life and savor it without any guilt. You deserve it. If you want love and passion, find a hot, compatible woman and have a two-year fling. If later you want kids, that’s great, too. Then go find yourself a woman who will be a good mother and loyal wife who will bear you great kids and be your companion as you grow old. Just don’t pick a grapefruit and expect it to be a strawberry.

Bottom line, if you want to be happy, look at what society is trying to get you to do, then do the exact opposite.